Heellloooooooooooo

Jerry Seinfeld.


A man, a plan, a show, about nothing. Mr. Seinfeld started as a comedian in Jerry Seinfeld has been a personal hero to me for a large portion of my post-childhood life. I can safely say I've seen 90% of all of his shows, and have laughed through each and every one of them.


This post is dedicated to the one and only Mr. Seinfeld because on Friday, JerrySeinfeld.com will go live. His new website is a digital archive of all of his standup that he deemed worthwhile to be timeless in the interconnected world of the internet. Whey asked why he wanted to put all of his work online, Seinfeld answered, "I really thought, 'Where's my stuff going to be when I'm dead? Is it just gone for all time? Who could sift through it? I though, I should filter this out and be the judge of what I thought was good" (New York Times). That means hours about hours upon hours of videos of a Mr. Seinfeld's work on his new website. Some stuff even dates back to 1977. Ancient.


Good luck Mr. Seinfeld. At least it seems that collecting cars and trying to ensure that your collection is timeless at a point in your life where you realized you're own mortality--just like Leo Tolstoy. Your "Confessions" is jerryseinfeld.com. Congrats.

Your moment of zazen.

"Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead." Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead." - Dug from the Motion Picture UP.

Dumb Terrorists

By the time you read this, I'm sure you will know--like the rest of the world--that Osama bin Laden (OBL) was killed and his body is in US custody. It's amazing that nearly ten years after the worst attack on American soil, a true terrorist has finally been captured.

On interesting thing regarding this whole story was that I--as well as many of my friends--first heard of the breaking story through the news medium of Twitter. Pretty cool. I found out a good 45 minutes before my parents. Another interesting thing, a guy named Sohaib Athar from Abbottabad was actually live blogging a top secret military information on his Twitter account (@ReallyVirtual) https://twitter.com/#!/ReallyVirtual. Whoops...


When I first checked his Twitter account last night, he had less than 10,000 followers. Now he has over 83,000. Speaking of Twitter, a lot of my friends hate on me for having a Twitter account, but that's how I initially found out about Osama's (#OBL) death. Not the New York Times, not TV, not the radio. Twitter. Not to emulate Greg Downey's love of social media and technology, but that's pretty awesome.

Your moment of zazen.

Mifflin

Hey everyone.

Firstly, I would like to say thanks for being active readers of this stupid rambling. I don't even know who is still reading anymore except for Voj... And probably not even her. Voj, I'm gonna get you and put you on some spaghetti with some sauce. Yum.


This blog has gone global. I have "readers" in China, South Africa, the UK, India, and elsewhere. So thank you for making that possible. I don't really know if you are reading it or just looking at the stupid pictures that I put up here in the moments of zazen (and many a moments there are). If you have ever read such a moment, put your hands up in the aiiiirrrrr, ay-ay-aiiirrrrr.

Today is something more than a minor day in UW's calendar. Today, my friends, is as some would say the "holiday" of Mifflin. For those of you who are ignorant or otherwise aren't in tune with the "big" days in UW's calendar, today is the Mifflin Street Block Party. Started in 1969 as protests on Mifflin Street (every big day here originates with a protest...typical Madison) against the Vietnam War (or lack of tortillas after ordering fajitas), Mifflin has become a weekend attracting students from all over campus and the country ever since.



What people do when they get to Mifflin Street is beyond me. I think there are concerts and what not. Otherwise, I guess it gives the campus an opportunity to come together and have a big party. Just a word of advice for the newbies, don't pet the police horses because you can be arrested for assault of a police officer. Unfortunately, instead of being on Mifflin Street with the rest of UW, I'm stuck in the library typing up a report summarizing a lecture on debunking common assumptions and proofs of the dead sea scrolls and in the community of Qumran. I had to go to this dead sea scrolls/Qumran lecture for one of my classes. The lecture was actually really interesting, but I'd rather be back in bed considering the music started pumping out of two large speakers at about 7:30 or 8:00 this morning.

No word on if I had mono last year or not. I kind of hope I did, otherwise this blog has been a huge sham. Oops...

Your moment of zazen.

My Life is a Sham

We interrupt this program with some breaking news.

------------

I may have not had mono last year. More details to come.

Slowly But Shirley

Getting better slowly, but surely. And stop calling me Shirley... Aiming to be back in Madison tomorrow. My fingers are crossed. Yours should be too, so if they aren't, help a brother out. Happy passover. Bread in T - 6 days.

Your moment of zazen.

Socialism - You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbor.

Communism - You have 2 cows, you give them to the government, and the government gives you some milk.

Fascism - You have 2 cows, you keep the cows but give the milk to the government, who then sells you the milk at a high price.

Nazism - You have 2 cows, the government shoots you and keeps the cows.

New Dealism (FDR Version) - You have 2 cows, you shoot one, milk the other one; then pour the milk down the drain.

Capitalism -- (Reaganomics) If you have 2 cows, you sell one and buy a bull; you then sell all the excess milk to the government who in turn ships it to fascist and communist governments.

Anarchism - You have 2 cows, your neighbor on your left takes one cow, and the one on the right takes the other, while your backyard neighbor takes the milk, the bucket and the stool.

Utopianism - You have 2 cows, Mother Nature zaps the cows, turning their udders into eternal milk-shake dispensers.

Pure Socialism - You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism - You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.

Pure Communism - You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Russian Communism - You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

Cambodian Communism - You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Dictatorship - You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Pure Democracy - You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy - You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

Bureaucracy - You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Pure Anarchy - You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

Surrealism - You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

A Tribute to Spud

This is your life story... Enjoy my friend.

*Special Note: This was a forward I received that I am merely sharing with all ya'll.

--------------------------------------------------

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam.'

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. And Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland. and the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped..

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr. And Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just...


...a commontater.

Monogative

Hey all.

Long time no post...eh? Well, I'm about to change that. A week ago, I wasn't feeling too well and decided to go home to see the doctor considering the nurses and PAs at UHS here at UW are pretty incompetent. My doctor was under the impression that I either had strep throat--a more than common illness in my parents' household--or mono. When the strep test came back negative, my heart sank. Getting to the punch line early, I got tested for mono again and the test came back negative, but this begs a more important question:

Can someone get mono twice?

The answer my friends, is yes. Upon talking to my doctor, he said that the mononucleosis virus--like most viruses--has more than one strain. So a person can't be infected twice by the same strain, but can be infected twice by two different strains of the virus. Get it? Well if you understand it, good; but don't come in contact with it because it will eat up your semester.

That's all for now folks.

Your moment of zazen.

You gotta be kidding me...


Full story here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/12/justin-bieber-benjamin-netanyahu_n_847911.html