Slowly But Shirley

Getting better slowly, but surely. And stop calling me Shirley... Aiming to be back in Madison tomorrow. My fingers are crossed. Yours should be too, so if they aren't, help a brother out. Happy passover. Bread in T - 6 days.

Your moment of zazen.

Socialism - You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbor.

Communism - You have 2 cows, you give them to the government, and the government gives you some milk.

Fascism - You have 2 cows, you keep the cows but give the milk to the government, who then sells you the milk at a high price.

Nazism - You have 2 cows, the government shoots you and keeps the cows.

New Dealism (FDR Version) - You have 2 cows, you shoot one, milk the other one; then pour the milk down the drain.

Capitalism -- (Reaganomics) If you have 2 cows, you sell one and buy a bull; you then sell all the excess milk to the government who in turn ships it to fascist and communist governments.

Anarchism - You have 2 cows, your neighbor on your left takes one cow, and the one on the right takes the other, while your backyard neighbor takes the milk, the bucket and the stool.

Utopianism - You have 2 cows, Mother Nature zaps the cows, turning their udders into eternal milk-shake dispensers.

Pure Socialism - You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism - You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.

Pure Communism - You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Russian Communism - You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

Cambodian Communism - You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Dictatorship - You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Pure Democracy - You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy - You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

Bureaucracy - You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Pure Anarchy - You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

Surrealism - You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

A Tribute to Spud

This is your life story... Enjoy my friend.

*Special Note: This was a forward I received that I am merely sharing with all ya'll.

--------------------------------------------------

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam.'

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. And Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland. and the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped..

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr. And Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just...


...a commontater.

Monogative

Hey all.

Long time no post...eh? Well, I'm about to change that. A week ago, I wasn't feeling too well and decided to go home to see the doctor considering the nurses and PAs at UHS here at UW are pretty incompetent. My doctor was under the impression that I either had strep throat--a more than common illness in my parents' household--or mono. When the strep test came back negative, my heart sank. Getting to the punch line early, I got tested for mono again and the test came back negative, but this begs a more important question:

Can someone get mono twice?

The answer my friends, is yes. Upon talking to my doctor, he said that the mononucleosis virus--like most viruses--has more than one strain. So a person can't be infected twice by the same strain, but can be infected twice by two different strains of the virus. Get it? Well if you understand it, good; but don't come in contact with it because it will eat up your semester.

That's all for now folks.

Your moment of zazen.

You gotta be kidding me...


Full story here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/12/justin-bieber-benjamin-netanyahu_n_847911.html

Twitter

This post is also long overdue. I would like to apologize and assure you, my avid reader, that I will continue posting more regularly. Anyway, it's about time I talk about something important: Twitter.



A month or two ago, I finally understood that Twitter was not some stupid website, but a very productive tool that enables learning and education and blah blah blah. I highly recommend getting one.

Charlie Sheen is definitely a winner. Conan O'Brien forgot to change his clock forward and missed his clock setting class. Shame shame.

To all of those people who thoroughly enjoy college sports: happy selection Sunday! I already filled my bracket out...

This post is short, but the next post will be nice and lengthy and full of more beef.

Your moment of zazen.


Slightly reminiscent to the Twitter logo... Hmmm...

Post-asticular

This message is long overdue.

To quell my readers anticipation, here are the shout-outs:

Alexandra Vojdany
Alyssa Rubnitz
Benny Ginsburg

Ok, now that that is settled, lets go on to more important things;

I got nothing.

You're moment of Zazen.

The Real World Series

Baseball season semi recently started. Fantastic. Although I am not such a fan of the sport, I do respect it. It does have its own unique physical skills that any sport (yes, including golf) should have. Although, baseball is predominately an American sport, which brings up a very important question: Why should the championship of MLB be called "The World Series" when the sport is only played in America?


The answer: It shouldn't. Some people might take great offense to this, because I have insulted their sport. But the reality is that I don't give a shit.

The basis for this claim that the national championship shouldn't be called the World Series, is that it is not a world--even multinational--competition. In fact, it's barely even a bi-national competition as the Blue Jays (of Toronto) are the only non-American team in the MLB organization. Although there is a baseball league in Japan and a few other countries, they cannot participate in the World Series because they are not part of MLB.

I'm not here to rip on baseball--a sport as American as apple pie--but rather, I'm here to talk about a REAL world series. Yes, that's right. The FIFA World Cup.


For those of us who are ignorant Americans and may happen to read this blog, the FIFA World Cup is the world soccer (or, depending where you are from, football/futbol) tournament which takes place every four years. In 206, 198 countries attempted to qualify. This year, 204 countries attempted to qualify. 32 teams will participate in this year's World Cup: Australia, Japan, Democratic People's Republic of Korea (aka North Korea), Korea Republic (aka South Korea), Algeria, Cameroon, Côte d'Ivoire (Ivory Coast), Ghana, Nigeria, South Africa, Honduras, Mexico, United States, Argentina, Brazil, Chile, Paraguay, Uruguay, New Zealand, Denmark, England, France, Germany, Greece, Italy, Netherlands, Portugal, Serbia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, and Switzerland.


This is the first time since the start of the tournament (this is the 19th FIFA World Cup) where the World Cup will be held on the continent of Africa. Specifically in South Africa. Although this is a great accomplishment to see South Africa hosting the World Cup, it does come with a sense of ethical questionability. That is, although South Africa has veered away from apartheid, South Africans still live in a very unfair and divided world. The question is, how can South Africa spend millions upon millions of dollars on building new stadiums when there are people living below the poverty line.

In any event, this marks the first day of the 2010 FIFA World Cup. That is, an event that brings the world together under one sport. I would like to emphasize this idea--that seems so lost to Americans--of the World. That which isn't the United States.

64 games. 32 countries. 30 days. 10 stadiums. 1 world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhM-cpSwrmM

Your moment of zazen.

Dead Comedian

Dane Cook.

Your moment of zazen.

" 'Oh yeah! Oh yeah!' 'Oh no.' Your slogan should be, 'what have I done with this beautiful home.' "