A question was recently asked to me via a commercial. I haven't seen this commercial for a few years and, subsequently, forgot the question. However, this question has recently reappeared. It has made me think about how far I would go. This is a question I have asked myself for a long time, and I still don't have a final answer.
The question: What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
The answer: I really don't know. I guess it depends on a lot of circumstances. How badly do I want a Klondike Bar at that moment? What would someone make me do for a Klondike Bar? Are there a lot of people that do crazy shit for a Klondike Bar (ex. driving a tiny car during a Nascar race)?
That being said, no one has offered me a challenge where the Klondike Bar was the famed final prize. I guess I would just go to the store and buy a six-pack of Klondike Bars (they do come in packs of six...right?)
But what would you do for a Klondike Bar? What about a Neopolitan Klondike Bar? Whoa... I guess I would do slightly less for a Klondike Neopolitan Bar. They don't look too good...
So I haven't blogged in a while and I sincerely apologize. I have been slightly busy in the passed few weeks. Here's what happened:
- Final exams.
- Home for a few days.
- Went to Fire Island (east of Long Island) with Greg, Michael and Aaron. Voj and Alyssa met us there. Really, really fun.
- Back in Madison taking a class (Poli Sci 297- African and African American Linkages.)
- Oh, and there is also roughly 12,000 barrels of oil gushing out an underwater "geyser" in the Gulf of Mexico. That shit needs to be cleaned up soon...
Had a great time (minus the oil spill...)
Your moment of zazen.
Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List
Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Capitalism: That's MY shit.
Communism: It's everybody's shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What shit?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism: No shit.
Discordian #1: Who gives a shit?
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Euros vs. Gyros (and a Mention of Cookies)
My fellow blogowers, Greece is in trouble. As you know--because you really should know--Greece has gone bankrupt. Yes, that is sad for ΓREEΣE, but the world must do something. Germany, among other European nations, has already forked over billions of Euros to form a Greek Bailout package.
One of the problems with the Greek economy, is that they should not be trading the Euro. In fact, to end this economic mess which has even hit the United States (the dow shot down a little less than one thousand points in one day, and then shot back up five hundred points.
(Google Finance)
This, my friends, is chaos. I propose we expel Greece from using the Euro, and their new form of currency shall be the Gyro. The Gyro, which, I might add, can be produced in any Greek restaurant, can be Ode/owed by the Grecians and Urned/earned (Refer to, "Ode on a Grecian Urn" by John Keats, a poem a just used in an english final exam.) Now this works exceptionally because Euro and Gyro are pronounced very similarly.
Therefore, Euro = Gyro. BAM! Economic crisis in Greece: RESOLVED! World economy: POSITIVE! Everything: GOOD!
In any event, big shoutout to my mom who just sent me a shit ton of homemade cookies to help me cope with finals week, thanks mom. Hit me up if you want a cookie.
Your moment of zazen.
"I thought that everything connected with flying was kind of a lie. You know. When you went into an airport or an airplane they always played this very happy music, which is sort of saying, 'You aren't going to die. There's not going to be an accident. Don't worry.' And I thought that was really the wrong way around, I thought that it would be much better to have music that said, 'Well, if you die, it doesn't really matter.'" -Brian Eno on Music for Airports
designerscouch.org/show_news/728/a-square-coke-is-a-greener-coke.html
One of the problems with the Greek economy, is that they should not be trading the Euro. In fact, to end this economic mess which has even hit the United States (the dow shot down a little less than one thousand points in one day, and then shot back up five hundred points.
(Google Finance)
This, my friends, is chaos. I propose we expel Greece from using the Euro, and their new form of currency shall be the Gyro. The Gyro, which, I might add, can be produced in any Greek restaurant, can be Ode/owed by the Grecians and Urned/earned (Refer to, "Ode on a Grecian Urn" by John Keats, a poem a just used in an english final exam.) Now this works exceptionally because Euro and Gyro are pronounced very similarly.
Therefore, Euro = Gyro. BAM! Economic crisis in Greece: RESOLVED! World economy: POSITIVE! Everything: GOOD!
In any event, big shoutout to my mom who just sent me a shit ton of homemade cookies to help me cope with finals week, thanks mom. Hit me up if you want a cookie.
Your moment of zazen.
"I thought that everything connected with flying was kind of a lie. You know. When you went into an airport or an airplane they always played this very happy music, which is sort of saying, 'You aren't going to die. There's not going to be an accident. Don't worry.' And I thought that was really the wrong way around, I thought that it would be much better to have music that said, 'Well, if you die, it doesn't really matter.'" -Brian Eno on Music for Airports
designerscouch.org/show_news/728/a-square-coke-is-a-greener-coke.html
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Religious Recruiting
I was walking back to my building minding my business (as is the case with most times I walk back to my building), when I was offered a big bag of free candy by a group of college students who surrounded me. This free candy was in the form of white chocolate and sprinkle covered pretzels. All of the sudden, I had a dilemma: Should I be kind to this friendly looking group of strangers who were offering me free candy although I have been taught that I should never take candy from strangers because all strangers that were trying to give me free candy would kidnap me and I would never be heard from again, or should I be rude and say, "no thanks" and walk away.
I took the former. These people looked legit. So I took their free candy. Sorry mom... All of the sudden, a girl named Samantha introduced herself to me. We shook hands. Then Luke introduced himself. We also shook hands. Then Samantha said, "So basically we are a Christian group and we have coffee on Sunday nights and just chill. You should definitely come. It'll be a lot of fun." I told her that I was busy then because I am working this Sunday. Then Kelsey introduced herself to me and asked if I needed someone to pray for me for anything. I said, "No thanks. Nothing I can think of right now." She said, "I'll pray for you to do well on your final exams." I said, "Great! Thanks!" Then Luke started telling me about a nerd party they were having on Friday night, which I responded to by saying that I was busy (but I did not say that I was going to be attending my weekly Jew fest at Hillel...)
As I walked away, I took a quick look at the flyer that was stapled to said package of the pretzels that the pontificating (and preaching) people of Christ gave me, and it said "Turning Point" in cool artistic letters. I then started laughing out loud. This could have been a scene from a movie. It was just so funny. I guess it's kind of the same concept as the Chabad people trying to put phylacteries on every Jewish male they see, but you don't get free candy. Unfortunately.
Good luck with finals my bloggowers (and friends). (And people who might not be friends but who might read this blog.) (Fuck it, good luck with finals to everyone.)
Your moment of zazen.
I took the former. These people looked legit. So I took their free candy. Sorry mom... All of the sudden, a girl named Samantha introduced herself to me. We shook hands. Then Luke introduced himself. We also shook hands. Then Samantha said, "So basically we are a Christian group and we have coffee on Sunday nights and just chill. You should definitely come. It'll be a lot of fun." I told her that I was busy then because I am working this Sunday. Then Kelsey introduced herself to me and asked if I needed someone to pray for me for anything. I said, "No thanks. Nothing I can think of right now." She said, "I'll pray for you to do well on your final exams." I said, "Great! Thanks!" Then Luke started telling me about a nerd party they were having on Friday night, which I responded to by saying that I was busy (but I did not say that I was going to be attending my weekly Jew fest at Hillel...)
As I walked away, I took a quick look at the flyer that was stapled to said package of the pretzels that the pontificating (and preaching) people of Christ gave me, and it said "Turning Point" in cool artistic letters. I then started laughing out loud. This could have been a scene from a movie. It was just so funny. I guess it's kind of the same concept as the Chabad people trying to put phylacteries on every Jewish male they see, but you don't get free candy. Unfortunately.
Good luck with finals my bloggowers (and friends). (And people who might not be friends but who might read this blog.) (Fuck it, good luck with finals to everyone.)
Your moment of zazen.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Fleeing Undergarments
As I was keeping quite to myself and studying (or procrastinating) in the Periodical Room in Memorial Library and minding my own business, I hear a roar from outside. Realizing that it is Thursday night at 10:15, I remembered that Axe is sponsoring an Undie Run.
"This spring, Axe is throwing down the gauntlet to student bodies across the nation. Axe is further supporting the cause by bringing donation trucks and weigh-in stations to the Undie Runs across the nation. For every pound donated, Axe is making a donation, with all the proceeds going to help the Community Action Coalition http://www.cacscw.org/
Run Route: Library Mall to Peace Park (down State Street), back to Library Mall and then to SEGREDO for the Official After Party!!! (18+ at Segredo!)" (THE UW MADISON AXE UNDIE RUN Facebook Event).
*Note: Peace Park is better known as Crack Park.
As Alyssa, Ali and I went to check out this "disturbance" outside, we realized it was cold, and there were a lot of drunk people in their undies, and it looked like a lot of fun. Must save something for next year. Shoutout to Kippi and Schraber Shrab (like Flava Flaaaav--Alyssa's idea) who are participating (I was told by Alyssa, if she's wrong, yell at her, not me).
Your moment of zazen.
Bunny Chaser
"This spring, Axe is throwing down the gauntlet to student bodies across the nation. Axe is further supporting the cause by bringing donation trucks and weigh-in stations to the Undie Runs across the nation. For every pound donated, Axe is making a donation, with all the proceeds going to help the Community Action Coalition http://www.cacscw.org/
Run Route: Library Mall to Peace Park (down State Street), back to Library Mall and then to SEGREDO for the Official After Party!!! (18+ at Segredo!)" (THE UW MADISON AXE UNDIE RUN Facebook Event).
*Note: Peace Park is better known as Crack Park.
As Alyssa, Ali and I went to check out this "disturbance" outside, we realized it was cold, and there were a lot of drunk people in their undies, and it looked like a lot of fun. Must save something for next year. Shoutout to Kippi and Schraber Shrab (like Flava Flaaaav--Alyssa's idea) who are participating (I was told by Alyssa, if she's wrong, yell at her, not me).
Your moment of zazen.
Bunny Chaser
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The Fifth Day of the Fifth Month of the Two-Thousand and Fifth (plus Five) Year
My bloggowers (blog followers, you should know that by now), it is May 5, or as them Spanish people call it (Shoutout to Alexis), Cinco de Mayo. Although a normal day within normal American society, this day is monumental in Mexican history (another shoutout to Alexis). On this day, almost 150 years ago, the Mexican Army defeated French forces at the Battle of Puebla (or the French Army just surrendered, the jury is still out on the results).
This momentous holiday is celebrated somewhat like the Fourth of July (however, us Americans don't have our own Corona). From my experiences in Milwaukee ("as the nation's most segregated metropolitan area" according to an article in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel on January 18, 2003), Cinco de Mayo is celebrated with a huge parade in the Latino part of Milwaukee (yet, another shoutout to Alexis).
Being a part of the non-hispanic American youth, there is no reason for me to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. I do not have any Mexican ties, heritage, or loyalty. However, it does give me (and my Jewish friends) an excuse to go to Frida's celebrate Alexis' homeland (final shoutout to Alexis).
In honor of this seemingly Corona endorsed חג (holiday), I would like you to enjoy two commercial's which you probably have already seen. Enjoy!
Feliz Cinco de Mayo.
Su momento de zazen.
This momentous holiday is celebrated somewhat like the Fourth of July (however, us Americans don't have our own Corona). From my experiences in Milwaukee ("as the nation's most segregated metropolitan area" according to an article in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel on January 18, 2003), Cinco de Mayo is celebrated with a huge parade in the Latino part of Milwaukee (yet, another shoutout to Alexis).
Being a part of the non-hispanic American youth, there is no reason for me to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. I do not have any Mexican ties, heritage, or loyalty. However, it does give me (and my Jewish friends) an excuse to go to Frida's celebrate Alexis' homeland (final shoutout to Alexis).
In honor of this seemingly Corona endorsed חג (holiday), I would like you to enjoy two commercial's which you probably have already seen. Enjoy!
Feliz Cinco de Mayo.
Su momento de zazen.
Monday, May 3, 2010
I'll Never Forget
Being part of the Jewish culture, the title of this blog post may seem to refer to never forgetting the Holocaust, which, yes, I will never forget the Holocaust. But I am referring to this past weekend.
This past Saturday--the first Saturday in May--the Mifflin Street Block Party was held. Now, this isn't a traditional block party where people grill out and there's a moon bounce and all the children come outside to watch Finding Nemo on an inflatable screen. This is unlike any block party I have ever been.
Preparation for Mifflin is as follows:
- Buy lots of alcohol
- Make a Mifflin shirt (When I asked Ian why people make Mifflin shirts he responded by saying, "Because it's a good excuse to make funny shirts. You wouldn't make a shirt where on the front it said 'It's Tuesday' and on the back it would say, 'Fuck my life.' or 'It's Wednesday' and on the back, 'shit.'" I did not make a Mifflin shirt this year. Maybe next year...)
- Wake up EARLY! I had my alarm set for 7:15. I know people who were up at 6:35 pregaming. I waited till 8:25. Next year I vow to start earlier.
- Befriend someone who lives on Mifflin. If you have some sort of connection, you can usually get into a house and get some drank.
I had the best day. Here is how the day went down:
- Woke up at 7:15 and met some friends at Einstein's for a quick breakfast, Aaron was already pretty tipsy by then. Many a freshman participate in what is known as the "shotgun shower" (shotgun a beer in the shower) I, being the classy one, do not partake in such activities.
- A bunch of us started drinking in my room. Mimosa's and then shots (some people were drinking beer--I thought it was too early for that). Lots of Bacardi, Smirnoff and Patron.
- Went to the unofficial official ZBT pregame to chill with my boys. Mickey poured my coke and rum into the beer pong. Drank a lot of that. Saw a lot of my smaller female friends (Persian or otherwise) do keg stands. It was beautiful.
- I was told we came back to my room for more shots and then we went to Laura's to pregame even more.
- We went to Mifflin afterwards, found Rock's house, I apparently got a beer spilled on me from a porch and I gave the guy who spilled it on me the finger. Here is a picture from Rock's porch of Mifflin.
- Went to Ian's, Abbie dropped my macaroni and cheese pizza on the ground. I'm still pissed. Then met up with friends at Noodles and Co. Went back to towers. Crashed. This was at 2:45-3:00.
I can't wait to be a part of the sea of drunk, funny-shirted, party going college students for next year's Mifflin. It was a blast. One of my favorite weekends here. Although I don't remember all of it, I will never forget how much fun I had.
A side note, tonight was senior night. I sincerely wish all the seniors the best of the luck in their future endeavors and hope they don't become a stranger to their younger friends who will still reside in the great city of Madison. (In honor of Mickey, Joe and DC, please rush Beta Nu Kappa in Fall 2010. They are recruiting hardcore.)
Your moment of zazen.
How American's understand cellular mitosis.
This past Saturday--the first Saturday in May--the Mifflin Street Block Party was held. Now, this isn't a traditional block party where people grill out and there's a moon bounce and all the children come outside to watch Finding Nemo on an inflatable screen. This is unlike any block party I have ever been.
Preparation for Mifflin is as follows:
- Buy lots of alcohol
- Make a Mifflin shirt (When I asked Ian why people make Mifflin shirts he responded by saying, "Because it's a good excuse to make funny shirts. You wouldn't make a shirt where on the front it said 'It's Tuesday' and on the back it would say, 'Fuck my life.' or 'It's Wednesday' and on the back, 'shit.'" I did not make a Mifflin shirt this year. Maybe next year...)
- Wake up EARLY! I had my alarm set for 7:15. I know people who were up at 6:35 pregaming. I waited till 8:25. Next year I vow to start earlier.
- Befriend someone who lives on Mifflin. If you have some sort of connection, you can usually get into a house and get some drank.
I had the best day. Here is how the day went down:
- Woke up at 7:15 and met some friends at Einstein's for a quick breakfast, Aaron was already pretty tipsy by then. Many a freshman participate in what is known as the "shotgun shower" (shotgun a beer in the shower) I, being the classy one, do not partake in such activities.
- A bunch of us started drinking in my room. Mimosa's and then shots (some people were drinking beer--I thought it was too early for that). Lots of Bacardi, Smirnoff and Patron.
- Went to the unofficial official ZBT pregame to chill with my boys. Mickey poured my coke and rum into the beer pong. Drank a lot of that. Saw a lot of my smaller female friends (Persian or otherwise) do keg stands. It was beautiful.
- I was told we came back to my room for more shots and then we went to Laura's to pregame even more.
- We went to Mifflin afterwards, found Rock's house, I apparently got a beer spilled on me from a porch and I gave the guy who spilled it on me the finger. Here is a picture from Rock's porch of Mifflin.
- Went to Ian's, Abbie dropped my macaroni and cheese pizza on the ground. I'm still pissed. Then met up with friends at Noodles and Co. Went back to towers. Crashed. This was at 2:45-3:00.
I can't wait to be a part of the sea of drunk, funny-shirted, party going college students for next year's Mifflin. It was a blast. One of my favorite weekends here. Although I don't remember all of it, I will never forget how much fun I had.
A side note, tonight was senior night. I sincerely wish all the seniors the best of the luck in their future endeavors and hope they don't become a stranger to their younger friends who will still reside in the great city of Madison. (In honor of Mickey, Joe and DC, please rush Beta Nu Kappa in Fall 2010. They are recruiting hardcore.)
Your moment of zazen.
How American's understand cellular mitosis.
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