Leaving Egypt

My friends and fellow blogowers (blog followers), tis that time of the year when we remove ourselves from delicious leavened foods, sit around a table, drink bad wine (I am of course talking about the slightly sweetened and slightly alcoholic, Manischewitz Wine--Keeping it classy), and leave Egypt. Although this trend of leaving Egypt happens every year, I can't really say I have actually gone to Egypt. Hopefully I will make it there some day so I can leave the land of the sphinxes and the Great Pyramids in Giza to wander in the desert for forty years, walk through the Red Sea (then known as the Sea of Reeds), receive the Torah, and finally wander into the Land of Israel. Can't wait... In any event, it is Passover.

We gather here today, and sit around a table for four hours eating the longest dinner of the year. Eat bread now, or forever hold your peace (peace = hunger (ask Pestine for further information on hunger), forever = eight days.) Now, if you think I am being somewhat hostile towards the whole Passover experience, you my friend, are sadly mistaken. Passover is one of my favorite holidays. Yes, we do take a break from bourbon, briyani, and ban mian for eight days (shoutout to ZRichards for the "B" alliteration idea that was divinely(?) inspired by his blog), but that makes all these delicious (and ethnic) foods so much better after the completion of the holiday. This year, unlike many previous years, we are having the Seders at our house. As we leave Egypt, we have brought many bottles of wine (not Manischewitz) to accompany us on this voyage, which, in turn, should hopefully make the trip a little shorter--and if not shorter, at least more fun.

Unlike many other universities (and apparently unlike many friends) I am very happy the great University of Wisconsin gives us spring break over Passover. Well, at least 6/8 days. Many of my friends are making the long trek to go home for the seders, which I don't have to considering I'm already home.


Happy Passover.

SO to them Jews (and Alyssa).

Moment of Zazen (From Previous Post)

Louis Gohmert is a Republican Representative in the House from Texas. He has been in the news recently for talking against health care reform. Funny thing about Louis Gohmert: I met him. A little more than a year ago, I was a part of a joint student delegation between several Jewy Chicago Agencies (all affiliated with the JUF) which included many college level and graduate students, as well as six high school students from Write On for Israel--the Israel advocacy program I did throughout the last two years of high school. My group lobbied several House Representatives from the Illinois area including Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. and Rep. Danny Davis, as well as Senator Durbin. As we were wandering around the House of Representatives, we wanted to watch in on the session and all of the sudden, Louis Gohmert--a very nice, southern, somewhat elder man from Texas--comes out of the woodwork and gets us into the viewing area of the House.

I was watching Rachel Maddow and Rep. Gohmert was screaming on the House floor holding the Health Care Bill and saying how people should ingest it the bill itself. How were you elected? Why did I have to meet you?

The F Bomb

...Or the F- Word. For those of you who are too stupid to figure it out by now (not that the readers of this blog are stupid per se...there may be some random people trolling the dark, dangerous waters of The Daily Monoblogue who might be stupid), I am talking about the word, "fuck." Although completely appropriate in casual conversation between college students, friends, and that regular who sits next to you at the bar; when dropped, the F Bomb, much like the A Bomb, causes a major controversy. This post on the F Bomb is not completely random...

Today, President Obama signed the Health Care Bill using twenty pens. This day will go down in the American History books. There are two things I would like to point out:

1) Really Obama? Twenty pens? What the fuck?

2) Vice President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. (Robinette = girl's name?) dropped the F Bomb after introducing the President! WHOA!!! FUCK ME!!! OH NO HE DIDN'T!!! Well, oh yes he did. Check out the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRsUqUAqQXA

Yes, Biden said, "This is a big fucking deal." And let me say, yes, this is a big fucking deal. Biden hit the nail right on the head. It probably was not too smart of him to say that in front of rolling television cameras and a room full of reporters; however, he was not in the wrong. Health Care Reform has been legislation actively sought by democrats since the Clinton administration. Now that our country has finally achieved health care reform, Vice President Biden has the fucking right and a fucking good reason to say, "This is a big fucking deal." The word "fuck" adds a much needed emphasis, just ask Rahm Emanuel. I applaud you Mr. Vice President.


Your moment of zazen is yet to come after I'm done studying for my midterm in my Gender Issues in Rabbinic Judaism (shoutout to them Jews) class. Wish me luck. I'll need it.

Ping Pongopoly

I wrote this post a while ago and for some strange/odd/weird/confusing/unclear reason, I didn't post it. I have no idea what compelled me to say, "Ehh. I can post it later..." Just never got around to it. So here it is. Finally. Enjoy!
(Please note that at the time of posting, I did not just wake up from a two and a half hour nap. All these events happened roughly a week and a half ago.)

I just woke up from an accidental two and a half hour nap. Again, did not feel like P Diddy. Last semester, I had a ping pong date with a friend every week. She plays tennis, I somehow picked up ping pong somewhere. Just like mono. Still trying to figure both those out... Anyway, since we have yet to play pong (ping pong, not beer pong- just saying) this semester, I suggested we play a little later tonight. have been on her ass about this game for a week. It needs to just happen. I kept on telling her that Thursday would be perfect, but she has a midterm mañana. As a side note, all day I have been feeling exhasuted--I definitely did not get sufficient sleep last night. So I texted her earlier saying I was tired and I might go to bed early, thus postponing our pong game one more day. She said that we'll just find another time to play. At this point, I took the accidental nap, and here is the rest of the post nap textual conversation:

Me: Just text me if you want to play. Took a really long nap. Oops
Her: Haha nice... Slash not good if you actually need to get sleep tonight. But yes, I shall text you if I can play
Me: I will. I'm still tired.
Her: Suppose that's one of the perks of mono lol
Me: Fuck you! I don't have mono anymore!
Her: Oh please I'm just telling you want you already know but choose to selectively deny... Particularly on weekends haha
Me: Exactly.

I would just like to clear up some dirty/smoggy/foggy/unclear/cloudy air. I am pretty sure that I am done with mono. It has definitely been longer than 30 days from when I started feeling symptoms (mid/late January, and it's already March) and I feel fine. I would like to make one thing clear, tiredness is a side effect of mono, but--as we learned in psychology--correlation does not mean causation: just because someone is tired doesn't necessarily mean they have mono.


Your moment of zazen.

I have had many heated debates with my younger brother, David, about many things. The most recent has been Leno v. Conan, where he sides for the former and I side with the latter. Having been a stern Conan fan for many years and proudly owning a "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" T-Shirt, I argued that this was his next big step moving to The Tonight Show, a place where Leno's comedy died. Sorry Leno, your chin gets in the way of shit, and Coco has the hair you wish you had. Anyway, I recently stumbled on a very interesting Twitter account.

Conan O'Brien has found his inner Twitter. His daily (and sometimes bi or even tri-daily twittering/tweets/tweeting/tweeterings are absolutely hilarious. I urge you to check it out ASAP: www.twitter.com/conanobrien


As today as 3/14, happy Pi day! For those that are confused, Pi=3.14159265...

Also, tomorrow is 3/15, better known as the Ides of March. As Brutus and someone else (blanking on the name) warns Julius Caesar to "beware the ides of march" in Shakespeare's play "Julius Caesar." I have two midterms tomorrow...on March 15, which is the ides of march. Shit.

Sitting in the Library

I am currently sitting in the Historical Society's Library analyzing the seventh stanza of John Keats' "Ode to a Nightingale" when all of the sudden, a girl whom I know walks in and over to me. Now, the Historical Society's Library is the best kept secret in Madison when it comes to study stuff.

Anyway, Alicia Gold-fine walks in. WTF? Apparently my friends all forgot to invite me to their study date here. Bitches.

I was a Subject

I don't like being a subject. I guess it's better than an object... But actually, they were subjectifying (made up word) us as objects. So I guess we were objects. Bastards. So here is what happened:

My name was called--along with Jessica and Mohammed--by a tall guy with crutches wearing an Atari shirt. My first thought: shit, Mohammed and I are gonna butt heads. I am glad to report that no head butting took place. Mohammed was actually a pretty chill guy. We were lead into a room with three commercial, walk-in refrigerator things. Next thought: I'm kind of warm, I could use a good chill.

The guy who was subjecting us (Mr. Atari Crutch), told us that the experiment was to see if we could identify a sound that was repeated in front of different background noises. Then either that sound or another would be repeated without any background noises. If it was the sound behind the background noise, we were told to push the "Sure Yes" button on our little pad, and if it was a different sound other than the sound behind the background noise, we were told to push "Sure No." If we weren't sure, we could push "Yes" or "No," and after we all entered our answer, one of the lights would show us which answer it was.

After the directions were explained, I signed a waiver saying that if I was uncomfortable at all I could back out of the experiment at any time and also that the University of Wisconsin Psychology Research Department (UWPRD--that is not a correct acronym) was not responsible for any injury and/or death during the experiment, I was locked into my telephone booth sized soundproof container and put on the headphones. The booths felt like the holding cells straight out of 1984. They had one chair, our answer buttons, a little black box, and a pair of headphones. Big Brother. Someone call the NSA, these handicapped psychology researchers are watching me. I guess the NSA is too... Next thought: If there were to be a nuclear threat, can it be now? I don't know when the next time I will be completely concealed in a tiny thick, steel, sound proof, airtight booth that can protect me. Thought immediately following: Shit, a small, airtight booth has a limited oxygen supply. "Excuse me, Mr. Atari Crutch? Can I get a small plant?"

Experiment starts. We hear different configurations of static, quarter second clips of bombs going off/buildings being destroyed, and sheets of metal being bent. It was weird. Listening to that for an hour was rough. I got out of my booth and heard the guy talk. It. Was. AWESOME. I've never been that excited about hearing someone talk in the longest time. At least I got my 1.5 extra credit points. Whoopee.

Till the next psych test (which is tomorrow), lahitraot. For those of you are Hebrelliterate (Hebrew Illiterate), that means, see you later.

I am a Subject

Right now, as I am typing this, I am currently waiting in room 251, better known as the "Subject Waiting Room" in the Psychology building. I am taking Psych 202 (for all those non-UW people, that is Intro to Psychology) and the only way I can receive extra credit points is by having the people do studies on me. I'm prepared for anything, prodding, poking, questions, questionnaires, millionaires, sleep, whatever. I can do it all. They have me from 10-11 this lovely morning (and a lovely morning it is, no jacket today) and at 11, I'm gonna peace and hopefully write another blog post and let you know what happened. Another girl just walked in the room. Five girls and me. Not a bad ratio... Just out of curiosity, why aren't there more guys here? Does extra credit only impel women to take advantage of it? Now six girls. I hope this isn't a female study. Just sayin. Aright, just called cya all later.

A Change in the Wind & Debut of Guest Blogger Alexandra "Voj" Vojdany

Welcome welcome. It has indeed been a while. Glad to be back. Glad to have you all back. If you are an avid reader of The Daily Monoblogue, you would know that in the recent past I was a guest blogger on The Voj Files. If you aren't an avid reader of The Daily Monoblogue, you should know that in the recent past I was a guest blogger on The Voj Files.

Today's post is going to be a pivotal point in the history of The Daily Monoblogue. As I no longer have symptoms of mono, there seems to be little if any need for The Daily Monoblogue, and thus shall be dismantled. HOWEVER, as I enjoy writing (and I would hope people enjoy reading), I have decided to switch gears a little bit and focus my blogtention (blog attention) on other mildly pertinent issues. I made this decision after starting numerous (three) blog posts in the past several days which did not go anywhere. I came to a mental stumble block--and I finally decided to make this blog a medium in which I will post the things that come to mind and put commentary on the life around me. It is kind of like Seinfeld meets The Daily Show.

Kicking off this change in the wind, I would like to firmly introduce Voj. She has written a guest post entirely for this event, which is the second half in the reciprocity of our blog posts as I was a guest blogger on her blog about a week ago. You can check out her blog at alexvoj.blogspot.com. Being a year my elder, and possibly a year my wiser (although I will never attest to that), the floor will turned over to Voj and her wisdom. Enjoy!


Where did Kit Kat bites go and why? That has been a question puzzling me for quite some time. You may think it’s meaningless and wonder why Joel invited me to be his guest blogger when this is a question I consider important. You may find yourself wondering, “he couldn’t find someone more profound?” Well, I have two things to say to that my friends (and by my friends, I mean Joel’s friends). One- likes attract. So, why would you expect Joel to be friends with anyone profound? Two- this IS, in fact, an issue of importance.

Think about it. You and some friends, family members, boyfriend/girlfriend, strangers you paid, whoever, decide to go to a movie. You can’t wait to see the movie- to see how the plot plays out, to surreptitiously hold the hand of the person you have a crush on when something “scary” happens, to laugh because you’re going to see a comedy, or in Joel’s case, to drool over the hot actors on the screen (there’s a rumor going around that George Clooney is the reason he saw “Up.”)

You sit in the comfy padded seat, with the gum underneath it and the obnoxiously tall people in front of you. You suddenly realize, you need a snack. And not just any snack. The snack you get every time you go to the theatre. The snack that makes your mouth water. The snack that will redeem any boring or terrible movie.

Phew, you think, that was a close one. You walk quickly because you can’t wait until the moment you hands close around that red bag. All of a sudden, you come to a screeching halt. The candy is not there. The chocolatey goodness is gone. You pretend to the employee behind the counter that your tears are a result of the movie, not that your favorite thing about movies just disappeared, without so much as a goodbye.

What then? You look at the dough bites and know the cookie dough inside them will be stale. You glance at the m&ms and realize that the fact that you can get them anywhere makes them too ordinary to buy. You see Reeses bites out of the corner or your eye and start tearing again because what has the world come to? They kept Reeses Bites and not kit Kat Bites?

You see guys, this is not an issue of insignificance. Your whole entire movie world has been turned upside down, making the thought of going to another movie unstomachable. And that is why I urge you, if you don’t already know what your favorite candy is, to find it. And then to buy 100 bags of it.


Thanks Voj. I have yet to understand from where her inspiration for this post has come.

And now, your moment of zazen.

Being a Starbucks lover and an active Starbucks Gold Card holder, I would like to bring something to the readers' attentions. One of Starbucks' biggest competitors is surprisingly McDonalds, who have used their enormous corporate multi-national power to capitalized on the coffee market and reduce Starbucks' market share. In order to stay in the competitive game, Starbucks has decided to introduce a new sized cup--bigger than the Short (which is kids), the Tall (which ironically is a small), the Grandé (which is mediumé), and the Venti (which is large-i). Allow me to introduce, the Trenta, or as I like to say, TRENTA. The 31 ounce mammoth of a cup is a full 11 ounces grande-er than Starbucks' current largest size. It's like a swimming pool exclusively for cold drinks. The company which created coffee shop culture back in the 1980s has designed a limited market test in Phoenix and Tampa where the TRENTA will be front and center.

I would like to say thank you to McDs and modern American culture for making this possible. A person should never, and I mean never, need/want/have to consume 31 ounces of anything in one cup. You know why Europeans are thin? It's because they don't have 31 ounce drinks there. Can you guess why Americans are obese? There should NOT be demand for 31 ounce drinks here. Have you ever heard of a refill?

Working Out

I used to. I currently don't. I should probably start again. I'm getting pleasantly plump. At least it's pleasant...right? Maybe I'll start by just eating celery. Anyway, when mono is present within one's body (and soul, as the body houses the soul), one should not work out. You might ask, why? Well my friend, that is a good question. As I've said before (numerous times for that matter), the spleen becomes enlarged a person is diagnosed with mononucleosis. If something (i.e. a racquetball, a medicine ball, a matzoh ball, etc) were to come in contact with the spleen, it could rupture. That would be bad. Very bad. Doctors advise monopeople (people with mono, not one peoples) to refrain from working out because any accidental physical contact with the spleen can be disastrous and dangerous. Be careful.

Again, on a serious note, the Holocaust Awareness Rally is today at 12:15-1:00 on Library Mall. Be there! It's going to be a beautiful day and we need your support and solidarity. Rumors are that Chancellor Biddy Martin is going to be there.


And here it is, your moment of zazen.

The Christian holiday of Easter is fast approaching and in anticipation of the holiday where little children run around their yards and hunt for little candy filled eggs, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups company has put out a new commercial advertising their chocolaty peanut butter creation: a chocolate, peanut butter filled easter egg. The commercial can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLKmr-tS9yU.

For those of you who are too lazy to actually watch the video, the advertisement depicts a chocolate bunny and a jar of peanut butter producing a presumably (I think that's a safe assumption) peanut butter on the inside, chocolate on the outside, egg. Let me repeat myself in normal words. A chocolate bunny and a jar of peanut butter have illicit, implied, impossible sex yielding an egg. For starters, bunnies don't lay eggs. Neither do peanut butters. And if anything, the combination of the two would yield a chocolate, bunny shaped peanut butter jar. May I be the first to say wtf? I think the Reese's employees need to quit doing acid.

A is for alcohol, B is for beer, C is for cognac...

People asked how I learned my ABC's. Well... That's how.

Being that I'm running out of monolated (meaning mono related...remember?) ideas for the blog, I am asking my fellow blogowers (blog followers) and blogeaders (blog readers) if they have any ideas. This idea was submitted by Braun.

Alcohol. There have been references to this "organic compound in which a hydroxyl functional group (-OH) is bound to a carbon atom, usually connected to other carbon or hydrogen atoms" since the time of the bible. In Joel (the prophet, not the blogger) 1:5 it says, "Drunkards awake to see God's judgement." In Joel (again, the prophet) 3:3 it says, "The enemy is judged for selling girls for wine." And finally, in Luke 12:45 (not the time), it says, "Christ warned against drunkenness." Aha Either Jesus wanted to warn us about the belligerent inebriated folk, or he wanted to warn us that boozing while monoing is bad idea. I'm thinking the latter.

Pointing out the obvious, alcohol makes a person drunk. Wow. Profound statement. Let's get a half barrel and do the Safety Dance. All the men will wear hats. It will be great. In any event, I was told by my health teacher (better known as Coach) sophomore year that alcohol is bad. Well, not quite, but for the sake of the blog post, I think I can misquote Coach. He said, "You should never drink because after your first shot, you will die." Again, a misquote. But actually, the presence of alcohol in one's body increases liver function. When a person has mono, the liver becomes inflamed. Just as drinking and driving, oil and water, toothpaste and OJ, and Lady Gaga and the normal people of the world do not mix, alcohol and mono should not be mixed. You could literally be poisoning yourself. And I am incredibly sorry if you are a Lady Gaga fan--that is also an issue of poisoning yourself. You should go seek help. She sucks.

On an actual serious note, I would like to mention something of significance currently happening at University of Wisconsin. The Badger Herald is currently running an advertisement online that linked to a Holocaust denier's website. Tomorrow (Wednesday, March 3) at 12:15-1:00, Hillel is hosting a rally on Library Mall to remember the millions of victims who fell to the Nazis. If you don't have class, it is really important that you attend this event. Check out the Facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=371495515210.

Major shoutout to Elli and all of the mules. Another shoutout to WD. Happy 16th bday (she's actually 18.)


Your moment of zazen.

Did you know that a shot of an alcoholic beverage (80 proof/40 percent) has 100 calories? Did you know that you burn more calories eating celery than there is in celery? After you drink, eat celery. It's an actual workout, and will help you burn off those alcohol calories while enjoying a crunchy snack.